Welcome to Bark After Dark, a series of hilarious but slightly inappropriate articles we post in the wee hours of the morning for you
weirdos night owls. Not recommended for baby hoomans or the overly sensitive. Enjoy!
Dogs are totally sick puppies. Think about it, they’re pervs! Need proof? Read on…
1. They have a total foot fetish.
Dogs lick and sniff and adore feet. And they love to chew your shoes. And lick your legs when you step out of the shower.
2. Speaking of the shower…
They will eyeball every inch of your sudsy bod while you’re n00d.
3. Not to mention other bathroom activities.
Hey, we watch them poop.
4. They get up close and personal with dat azzzz…
5. …And dat crotch.
6. They make no attempt to cover up their boners.
Here comes the lipstick!
7. Some are dominant. Others are submissive.
8. They’re frotteurists. (Unfortunately, sometimes consent is not observed.) #PublicHumping
Frotteurism, noun. The paraphiliac practice of achieving sexual stimulation or orgasm by touching and rubbing against a person without the person’s consent and usually in a public place—–called also frottage.
9. They’ve got literal sh*t-eating grins.
Hide the litter box.
10. They have a stockings and underwear fetish.
They’ll steal, chew, hide, and sometimes wear your intimate apparel.
11. They’re total voyeurs.
Dude, it’s not a threesome.
12. AND THEY’RE ALWAYS NAKED.